i like to make stuff

I on a plane right now.
(Note, I wrote this several months ago, and didn’t finish it on that plane. )

I could be sleeping, but I’m not.. And I think I know why.

I’ve been in California all week on business, and that has meant a few things. It’s time for me to really focus on my job during the days, enjoy the time with my other remote co-workers (one of which is my brother, so that’s cool) but it also means after work hours that aren’t filled with parental duties.. FREE TIME.

So, back to the reason I’m not asleep. I’m pretty sure that I don’t know, and have never known, how to have free time. Even when I’m not out of town, and I don’t have a slot of time scheduled with something, I still have a list of things in my head, ready to fill that time. For instance, this plane right from San Francisco to Atlanta is almost 4 hours long, and I’ve spent all but 10 minutes on a computer. I’ve accomplished a lot so far on this flight.. I wrote a short song, recorded several parts on my iPad, spent a couple of hours programming and learning some development stuff that I’d been putting off, and now.. I’m writing a blog post.

I remember when I was a kid, probably 6 or 7, asking my mom, over and over, “what can we do? I’m bored” She gently replied.. “Sometimes you need to do nothing.”  She’s completely right, of course.. but I have a pretty hard time with that.

I’ve tried to figure out why that is. I think it’s that I’ve been given a thirst for learning and making. That thirst is stronger than my thirst for rest (after a cup of coffee of course), and I’m ok with that.

Even though I have moments where I think “I really wish I could just sit down and do nothing”, the majority of the time, I’m completely excited by the next item on my backlog of “stuff I want to get to..”. As with all things, I think there’s just a balance that has to be found, and I constantly have to find that within myself.

In one of my favorite movies, a character says “It’s amazing how productive ‘doing nothing’ can be.”

It’s true.  There’s a balance to be found, between sprinting and resting, between building and standing back to look at progress.

As my children get older, the way that they play changes.  When they’re tiny, it’s all about touch, feel, and lots of slobber. Then they start to see the toys as more than colorful hunks of plastic, over time.  They start to attach identity to those things… the toys get personas, backstory, etc.  It’s fun watching them associate a toy that they’ve had with a character for the first time, and even more fun watching them make up their own character to fit a toy.

My oldest son (3 1/2) has started moving into another stage of play recently, and it’s something that resonates pretty deeply with me.  When I first saw him do this, I was immediately sent back 30 years (30? that’s crazy).

I’ve watched him get a group of toys (sometimes cars, sometimes dinosaurs) and set them all up for play, usually in a row, or line, or hidden deep within a couch cushion cave. And after he’s got everything in place, something happens.  All of the sudden, there’s a “situation” with someone in trouble.  usually, the rest of the group are all in it together, and they’re trying to fix this “thing”.    I’ll hear him say things like “oh no! We’ve got to get him to the place!” “There’s a thing coming!! We’ve got to get out of here!”

I TOTALLY remember playing, and feeling like there was a life threatening situation brewing (in the lives of my toys) even if I didn’t know what that situation was. There was an urgency, a danger, a need that I was responsible for playing out, and ultimately leading my GI Joes to win/save/correct the situation.

But what’s really interesting, and unique about this point in my son’s life, is that he has absolutely no context for need.  He has no dire situations to fill in to his story. and I didn’t either.

Now, I noticed this a couple of months ago.. and I thought it was cute, and remembered doing the exactly same thing.  Then yesterday it hit me.  Maybe it’s being a male, maybe it’s being human, but for most people, there’s an inherent longing to fix something.  That fix could be a physical break, a dangerous situation, an injustice, and unfulfilled need, etc. But even from 3 years old, he’s trying to fix something, and he doesn’t even know what it is.  It hit me, that I am responsible for giving him context here.

They’re looking for the problem to fill into their story.  As parents, I think it’s our responsibility to guide that desire to fix..  if we don’t it will be directed by the world around us.  We need to show them examples of problems that matter, and are fixable.

Now, I don’t mean that we need to convince them that their play should be about solving hunger, or stopping slavery. I just mean that we should impress on them that saving is more important than winning…. helping is more important than getting.  Imagine the difference, if a child grows up to know that they should fight for those in need, instead of fight to be on top.

It’s up to us to shape the things that children value. It’s up to us to teach them to protect and cherish life, even if that’s by making Optimus Prime save Hello Kitty from an alligator pit.

So, I made a videosong, call Anchor.. and here it is

if you like it, and you’d like to buy it, you can do that here.

http://bobclagett.bandcamp.com

iTunes

Amazon MP3

This photo is unrelated, but I liked it.

Here’s a problem I have, maybe you can relate, maybe not, but I don’t think I’ve ever written it down, and I’m trying to do that more these days, so here goes.

I’ve got too much that I want to do.

Seems like a smaller “problem” when I put it into one sentence, but it boils out to a lot more.

See, I’ve got lots of hobbies.. well, they’re not hobbies as much as interests… and most of those interests take a fair amount of time to explore and get to know before they can even become hobbies.  Other than the interests, I’ve got some things that are hardwired in my head, things that I’m passionate about because I was built that way. Off the top of my head, those would be (not a complete list) music, and making stuff. (I’m intentionally leaving out things like family.. they’re my biggest priority, so for discussions sake, this is all concerning the time I’m NOT spending with them)

I’m a little envious of people who can dedicate their lives fully to something. People who live and breathe science, or art, or shoe making, or farming.  Those people wake up and dedicate themselves to it until they have to sleep.. that’s amazing and very foreign to me.  I also pity them a little.

They may never know what it’s like to wander into an interest that they have no business in.. to try to make write music and fail horribly, or plant vegetables in their backyard, or make a chair that’s barely safe enough to sit in. Ultimately, I’ve very glad that people are different in that way..  that we have torpedos AND frag grenades of productivity.

I’d count myself in the “frag grenade” camp.. someone who is interested (in at least trying) lots and lots of stuff.  I realize that this will kind of make me a poser at all of those things..  jack of several trades, master of none. The problem with  that is that I can’t fit it all in. I’m not sure the best way to fill what little time I have to fill. I also have a hard time fitting exploration of these things into the small pockets of time I have available..  it feels more realistic to me that I could understand robotics, if I had a week of uninterrupted focus on it, instead of 30 minutes here and there.

I may never get to it all, which is fine, and this isn’t even about the specific interests, it’s about priorities and passion. The things that we’re hardwired to love should come first. And the other stuff can fill in the gaps, or give us a distraction when we need it.

For me, that means postponing  writing a book until the idea is fully formed, putting off building Arduino contraptions until I’ve got a good enough idea and focus on making music.  Maybe they’ll actually help each other happen.  Maybe the music will spark some writing ideas, or give me an idea of a new instrument to build, or maybe I can write a book about 6 months of failed music attempts.. we’ll see.

I’ve said it before, but I feel like I was made primarily to do 2 things, and I’m currently only doing one of those. I need to make music.

If you’re like me, with a list too long to actually accomplish, cut down the list to the things that have been there the longest.. those are the strong ideas, the important passions. Do those first, do those often, do those with all of your heart. And when you need a break, grab something else from the list.

PS. Incidentally, writing this post gave me an idea for an iPhone app, so I actually added something to my list today. Oh well, maybe I’ll write a song about it.

I’ve always had this saying..  ”How hard could it possibly be?”  I’m pretty sure that I didn’t make it up, but I sure do use it a lot. It’s the saying that leads me into trying all sorts of things, some of which actually ARE pretty hard. But it’s also helped me try things that seem tough from an outside perspective, but are much simpler when you get up close.

I tend to just give stuff a shot, and figure it out as I go along ( then the second time, I’ll plan more, use the knowledge I gained to try to do it better.. but for the sake of this post.. we’re talking about “first times”.. mmm-kk?)

Case in point..  last week, the thermostat housing on my car cracked… dumped all of the coolant, making the car undriveable (unless I wanted to do serious damage to the engine).  So I looked around, found a forum and a YouTube video and decided to give it a shot.

Now, I’ve NEVER done any engine work on my cars..     BUT, a few minutes of research, $50 worth of parts on ebay and I was ready to go..

It took me 20 minutes to get the old parts out.. 10 minutes to get the new parts IN, and it completely fixed the problem, first try.

I forgot to mention that in that forum I was reading, someone had just gotten the same problem fixed at a shop for …. (wait for it…)   $900 — holy crap.  I saved $850 just because I thought I’d give it a shot.

So, this goes a bit deeper (and seemingly, a bit off track, but stick with me), past the car.  I’ve had some really interesting conversations recently with some people close to me about what they’re trying to accomplish. And I’ve seen a lot of frustration and anxiety in those people. Also, these are BIG things.. not making things/fixing things.

In one of the discussions, someone said “I hate the saying ‘Life is a journey’.. I just want to get there.”   I completely understand this.  It’s tough to think that RIGHT NOW is just a small piece of the final outcome of things. But, when RIGHT NOW isn’t what you want..  it’s actually pretty comforting to know that it’s just a small step in a larger path that you’re following.

Another conversation was with my wife, about our kids.  Unless you’re a parent, you may not understand the amount of weight there is in raising a child (or 3). The responsibility can be daunting.. trying to predict the needs of this tiny, future adult.. and lead them accordingly.  Well, neither of us really feel very good at it a lot of the time. But I realized today that everyday, we get better at it. The more we try, the more we learn.. both from success and failure.

I mean, if you think about it, no one waits to be a parent until they’re good at parenting. So, it’s completely unrealistic for us to think that we’re unprepared, just because we have no idea what we’re doing. (I had to read that sentence back to my self a couple of time, but it DOES say what I meant.)

The fact of the matter is, that whatever the “thing” is.. programming, sculpting, parenting, drywall finishing.. you weren’t born KNOWing how to do it. You’ve LEARNed everything that you know, one way, or another. So, why do we stifle ourselves by only going after things that we already are good at..things that we already understand? Is it because we’re THAT afraid of failure? Really? Because I’ve failed at TONS of stuff, and it’s really not that bad.. just try not to make a habit of it, and you’re fine.

Just try it, fail if you have to, but eventually you’ll get better at it.. someday, you may even KNOW how to do it.